MOSES. THE. MOLE.
(Shocking, isn't it?)
Doesn't he just LOOK ebil? I mean, c'mon, have you ever seen a -cough- EVILSCHEMEROFWORLDDESTRUCTIONALLIEDWITHFRICKIN'TOASTERS!!111!!1!! -cough- look more menacing, then...then...THAT?!
No. Thought not.
So, whilst you're out, eating all your turkeys, just think, if you see that toaster you got the last Friday of August looking at you suspiciously, run outside, screaming and warning the street, in a very dignified manner.
Because, you see, Moses is capable of practically anything. He can get inside your mind and rig it so you become his moletastic minion, doing his bidding at his will.
But, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Derived from secret sauces deep in the MoleMobile, we have found, Moses is partially vunerable, to...
...BR34D2T1X.
Yes, breadsticks. If you find a shifty mole, prod it with a breadstick, and if it reacts with a cautious meowing and a chainsaw hiss, you've found Moses.
However, there are many a mole, or, none evident at all, so, Moses is well camoflauged among us (check that plantpot you got from Wilkinsons NOW).
So, Moses often gets away with his trickery and tomfoolery.
Recently, there have been several reports of missing baby shoes and mittens, and a consequent toaster malfuction in the same household.
THIS. Is a sign that you have been...
MOSESED.
I've lost the Log of the Mosesed, any luck with finding it, Blair, my love?
